Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Valuable Lessons Learned From Dad

My Dad with 1st Grandchild in 1973
Lessons Learned From My Dad
(Words in quotations are quotes my father frequently used.  I don't know where he picked then up or if they are his but he is the first I heard use them.)

Note: My parent raised two sons, and at the time of my dad's death he had 6 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren.  Mom preceeded him in death by 4 years.  

Concerning Work:

  • ·      "Hard work never killed anyone."  Needless to say I learned to work hard.
  • ·      "Hard work is honorable.  Son, when you work, work hard, and give your employer his money's worth."
  • ·      "Do whatever is needed, someone has to clean up the poop {we were farmers and dad used a barnyard word for 'poop'}, and never become so educated, high, and mighty that those menial tasks are beneath your dignity."
  • ·      We raised a large garden so we would never go hungry.   Our garden was always large enough to share with the neighbors, because, "We never know when we will be down on our luck and need our neighbors to help us."  [The large garden is not something I carried long into marriage because my wife was not as eager to work a garden as my mom and it was so easy to purchase fresh vegetables from the store.]
  • ·      "Idleness is the Devils workshop" so I learned to always keep busy.
  • ·      "There is always work for someone willing to volunteer" so I learned, as a child, to pitch in and I helped in doing many diverse jobs therefore becoming somewhat knowledgeable in many skills that have been useful in life and in landing me employment.  [Today with all the law suits, child labor laws, insurance liability, etc., etc. I'm not sure this is possible and so children miss out and grow to adulthood and are unemployable, because they do not know how to work, and graduate college with zero work experience.] 
  • ·      When dad would send me after a tool or something, frequently he would shout at me, "Son, get a move on it, I need it today not tomorrow."  I therefore learned to move in a run and I worked hard and fast.  From that habit, many of my workmates and employers have characterized me as a workaholic, but I would not view myself as one.
  • ·      "Get your hands out of your pockets son, you can't do any work with your hands in your pocket."  My brother always claimed he got in trouble more times for standing with his hands in his pocket than for being naughty.  For me though I was a fast learner and still do not often stand around with my hands in my pockets.
  • ·      Dad wanted us up and dressed by 6:30 a.m. because as he said, "I don't want the neighbors to come by after 6:30 and catch us in bed or in our night clothes and think we are lazy."  I am still an early riser and often during the spring I would get up at 4:30 or 5 and do an hour or two of garden work before breakfast and the school bus arrival. 
  • ·      "Whatever you do, make them a good hand, follow instructions, and work hard.  Always do more than the minimum required to get by."

Concerning Generosity:

  • Dad was very generous.  We didn't have a lot a lot but dad was always willing to share what we had.
  • Visitors came around lunchtime, there was always enough to feed 2 or 3 extra.  "We can add more water to the beans," to stretch the food.
  • Any visitor that attended our church would be invited to our Sunday Dinner (that's the noon meal) and we would give them a tour around the Game Farm.
  • College students, coming from BNC (now named SNU) or visiting ministers would leave with a full tank of fuel.  "When you pass through El Reno, stop at Big Jim's Skelly and fill up your tank with gas and tell him to charge it to Clyde Miller." would be dad's admonition.  [Dad had good credit and trusted people and people trusted him.  So even though in the environment of today this seems strange that was the way it was done with my father, not too many decades ago.]

Concerning Honesty:

  • ·      Always tell the truth.  "Son if I ever catch you lying to me you will be in big trouble."  The punishment would be much worse if I lied about something I did and dad found out the truth later.  For lying I would always receive a severe spanking but if I confessed often I would just be talked to without any physical repercussions.   So the lesson I learned was to always be honest.
  • ·      Never break a promise.  "Son, when asked to do something if you can't do it immediately always say, 'I'll try' because if you say, 'I'll do it' and something comes up and you are unable to do what you say, you will break the promise and we never, ever, break a promise."  When dad said, "I'll try" that was good because you knew he'd give his best and try his hardest to accomplish whatever.
  • ·      "Always pay your bills on time and if an emergency comes up go and talk with the creditor to make other arrangements."
  • ·      "Son, a man is only as trustworthy as his word, let your word be your bond, so everyone knows you will back up what you say."

There was a memorable event that happened and I witnessed which made a lasting impression on my life.  My teenage brother wanted to purchase a pickup truck so he could go to work.  I along with dad accompanied him to the used car dealership.  Dad was prepared to co-sign his note.  After my brother selected the vehicle and signed the note, he asked the dealer, "Do you want my dad to co-sign?" 

To which the dealer replied, "No, I don't need you father's signature, I've known your dad a long time and I know the payments will be made, and I don't need his signature to assure this loan." Turning to my dad he asked, "Isn't that right, Clyde?"  My dad answered, "It'll be paid for."  "That's good enough for me", was the reply and the dealer followed with a 15 to 20 minutes lesson or maybe lecture telling my brother how my dad lived a life of unquestionable honesty and integrity and he explained how now at 16 years of age, he would establish good credit, regardless of whomever actually paid the note, because he paid off a signature only loan, and as long as he continues to pay his bills his credit would be good.

Concerning Trust in and relationship with other people:

  • ·      "Trust people unless or until they give you a reason not to trust them."  It was easy for a salesman to take advantage of my father, because he trusted everyone he met until they broke that trust or lied to him.  [How times have changed as now it seems there is a lack of trust.  Dad would also say, "Someone who doesn't trust people without a good reason cannot themself be trusted."] 
  • ·      On a similar note he would say, "Anyone who insists you sign on the doted line you must have every dealing you make with them in writing or it will come back and bite you."  [Again how times have changed.]  So today everything is done in writing, but people still break the written agreement.
  • ·      Dad practiced being quick to forgive and willing to give everyone another chance.

Concerning Assuming Responsibility for Ones Own Actions:

  • ·      "If you break something, even by accident, you must take responsibility to fix or replace it.  You are not in trouble and will not be punished for an accident but you have to make it right." 
  • ·      "If you borrow something take good care of it and return it in as good or better condition than when you borrowed it."  On the same line if a borrowed item was lost or stolen while in our possession we would replace it, so dad never wanted us to borrow something that we could not replace, so we never borrowed anything too expensive, and would usually just make do without or go and purchase what we needed.  Borrowed items would be returned promptly.

Concerning Sassing, back talking, disobedience, etc.: 

  • ·      I quickly learned the meaning of the word "NO".   I learned that if I cried, or complained, my situation went downhill quickly and I was given some uncomfortable lessons to further emphasize what "NO" meant.  [I never tried throwing a temper tantrum but I seriously doubt that would have impressed my father.]  If I cried due to the extra lesson dad would exclaim, "Dry those tears up or I'll give you something to cry about."
  • ·      "I don't ever want to hear you sass your mother again."  Those words were said to my brother, as dad was taking off his belt.  I don't ever remember talking back to or sassing mom.
  • ·      "If you get in trouble at school, you'll get it worse when you get home."

Some other miscellaneous lessons I learned:

  • ·      About Attitude:  "It's better to laugh than to cry."  "Keep smiling."  "Your as young as you feel."
  • ·      About forgetting to do something: "There's no such thing as forgetting."  [Now when dad forgot something and you would remind him of what he always said about forgetting, he would exclaim, "I didn't forget, it just slipped my mind."  We never figured out the difference between "forgetting" and "slipping his mind".]  Anyway when dad gave instructions I tried to not forget especially I did not want to forget to close the gate so the animals would not get out.
  • ·      About fuel in the car: "It costs just as much to keep the top half of the tank full as the bottom half."  I certainly never wanted to bring the car home on 'E' and even if it was 1/4 tank or less he would let me know about it. 
  • ·      About guns: "Son, the one item you never loan to someone else is your gun, and so never ask to use someone else’s gun unless the owner is present."  [The reason for this was one of his uncles spent time in prison because he loaned someone his gun and it was used to commit a crime, killing someone and the firearm was recognized as belonging to uncle and so this uncle did time for this crime he was falsely accused of.]


Note: I learned many other lessons from my dad, but my father was an honest, generous, and hard-working man.  Through his actions as well as his personal character these traits were evident in the life of my dad, who passed away in 2005.

Be one the look out for - Lessons I learned from Mom who was known for her faithfulness and piety.