We were married 45 years ago. We were both still in school, and very young Nancy (19) and George (20). Nancy often reminds George that he was so young that he had to have his mother to sign giving him permission to marry. I'm not sure of the legal age now, but in those days girls under 18 yo needed parents permission but boys under 21 yo needed their parents permission. We were in school and so were married during school break so we didn't need the Dean's permission too.
Here are some thoughts that I credit to our success. It is not magical that if you do all these you will be successful. These are just thoughts from one man (George wrote this.) That is to let you know it is from a man's perspective.
First let me explain some of the things in our marriage that could have been flash points.
- In addition to being young we were parents 11 months after marriage. Our plan was to wait until after graduation.
- We had no extra cash, but only enough for the necessities. Then we had to skimp and really stretch things. This is another story in itself.
- Nancy was a messy housekeeper, well I suppose we both were.
- We are as different as two people can be.
Now let me explain some of the things that give to a successful marriage.
- We put God first in our marriage. From the beginning we have been faithful in our worship, tithe, and devotion to God. Our desire is to honor God.
- We planned and set goals for our life. We discussed the number of children we wanted, the way we would discipline them, etc. before marriage. Our plan wasn't totally followed because Nancy was pregnant the second month after marriage and the plan was to wait until graduation to begin a family.
- We embraced our children as a gift from God. They were dedicated to the Lord the very first Sunday they were in church which for most of them was the Sunday immediately after they were born.
- We enjoyed our times of intimacy. This was not viewed as a time of self-gratification but a time of mutual love and enjoyment.
- We did not entertain the thoughts of lust towards another person. We avoided compromising situations.
- Likewise we trusted each other and there was never a thought of jealousy, and never a suspicion of cheating on each other.
- We were always transparent and open. When away from each other or late home we would always call each other.
- We played games together as a couple and then as a family.
- I would help Nancy with the house work. Even in changing the diapers.
- We did not fight but settled disagreement as two people who love each other, trying to treat each other as we would like to be treated.
The above is a list, but not a comprehensive one. of 10 things that we did or tried our best to do and I know memory gets fuzzy with time. With God's help I feel we did most of the above. But this does bring me to a couple other crucial things to practice.
- Forgiveness - You must forgive your spouse. I'm talking about forgiveness of the past, or of misunderstandings, etc. I'm not really talking about forgiveness for unfaithfulness as there should never be a reason for breach of trust in a relationship, but some are unfortunately married to someone who is unfaithful and if so forgiveness is a choice, but for someone to continually jeopardize a relationship by infidelity is irresponsible behavior, and should not be tolerated.
- Forgetfulness - This means never keep dwelling on the faults of the spouse. Nothing drains the life out of a marriage as someone always pointing out your failures. Each person has faults and areas that need definite improvement. You can talk about these in a constructive way, but never in a put down way or with your friends.
